


Why Ianto Jones Hates Bluetooth

by fueledbyamy



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 01:26:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16253813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fueledbyamy/pseuds/fueledbyamy
Summary: Just a little drabble I came up with and had a lot of fun writing. I like to think Jack often accidentally embarrassed Ianto as well as purposely doing so.





	Why Ianto Jones Hates Bluetooth

Ianto Jones considered himself an intelligent man. He could hack in to computers and erase data if necessary. He could tell you any fact about coffee off the top of his head. He was quick with maths and he was excellent with words. He could connect anything via Bluetooth. He knew everything; it said so at the bottom of the screen.

Since he had been attending more trips out in to the field, and taken to driving more so than the others - straight laced tea boy could drive _fast_ \- Ianto had automatically connected his phone to the Bluetooth of the SUV. Now normally, this was handy. He could answer any call or text hands free, the Bluetooth feature even reading out his text messages to him. Ianto thought this was brilliant as he was often running errands for the team when not in the field. Mainly dropping off or picking up a certain coat from the dry cleaners.

Ianto’s luck had apparently run dry. The team had gone out to investigate some foreign planet matter that appeared on their radar, supposedly coming through the rift and landing locally. They had left the Captain behind a mountain of paper work, Gwen claiming that they could ‘handle it without him’.

“ -and she had tits out to here!” Owen exclaimed, holding his hands out in front of his chest, unceremoniously demonstrating the size of last nights conquest’s assets.  
“Owen, no one wants to hear about your sexcapades. Just get in the car.” Gwen muttered with a roll of her eyes. Tosh caught Ianto’s eye and grinned, evidently liking Gwen’s mesh of the words.

The four of them climbed in to the SUV, Owen calling shot gun and rushing for the front seat. The two women exchanged a look and hopped in to the back seat.  
Ianto gently turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life, a high pitch beep sounding shortly after, confirming the Bluetooth connection.

“So, any idea where it’s from? Did the rift leave any trace?” Ianto asked Tosh, glancing back at her in the rear view mirror.  
“Unfortunately no. We will just have to wait and see what information I can gather from the site.” She replied whilst tapping on to her hand held device.

The car beeped, signaling a text message received to ianto’s phone.

“Read message from: Jack Harkness.” The Bluetooth said, before continuing.  
“Received at 1:01pm. ‘Hurry up and get back and clear off the rest of the team will you? It’s been a long morning of staring at your butt in those fitted slacks, and I desperately need to bend you over this desk!’”

Ianto flushed bright red whilst the back seat erupted with giggles. Meanwhile, Owen shot Ianto a look.  
“Ugh, tea boy, I thought you’d have better taste than that. Gross!”

Ianto fumbled for his phone but was distracted when he had to actually concentrate on driving.

The car beeped again.  
Owen groaned.  
Ianto gulped.  
The two women held their breaths in anticipation and in slight fear.

“Read message from: Jack Harkness.” The Bluetooth said, before continuing.  
“Received at 1:05pm. ‘My pants are feeling awfully tight. Maybe I should do something about this whilst you’re out? I know you like it when I tell you exactly what I’m doing. Maybe I’ll even send some pictures.’” The Bluetooth read, before adding “winking face emoji” which caused everyone but Ianto in the car to burst in to laughter.

“Fuck. How do I turn this off?” Ianto grumbled, incredibly flustered and desperately pressing buttons.

The car beeped again.  
“God dammit Jack!” Ianto groaned.  
“Read message from: Jack Harkness.” The Bluetooth said, before continuing.  
“Received at 1:07pm. ‘I’ve got my hand down my pants and I’m slowly stroking myself. It feels so good Ianto. I wish it was you. I’d love to be fucking your mouth right now. I love that thing you do with your tongue. You know what I mean.’”

If possible, Ianto turned an even deeper shade of red. And it worsened when the car beeped again.

“Picture message received from: Jack Harkness.”

“Oh fuck no!” Owen yelled, causing the women in the back to erupt in to even more giggles.

Ianto considered grabbing his phone from his pocket, winding down the window and tossing it as far in to the field they were driving past as he could. He sincerely regretted connecting his phone automatically to the car. He also sincerely regretted driving and not being able to work out how to stop the readings.

“Can you, you know, do something? Stop it? I don’t know. Disconnect the bloody thing?” Ianto managed to stammer out. Owen raised an eyebrow and laughed with a ‘nah mate’ as his answer.

“Read message from: Jack Harkness.” The Bluetooth said, before continuing, a groan of ‘fuck’ slipping from Ianto’s mouth.  
“Received at 1:03pm. ‘So, seeing as I haven’t heard back from you, I thought I’d tell you what I do to you for when you turn your phone back on. I’d kiss my way down your chest, paying close attention to your left nipple. I know that’s the one that gets you going. Then I’d kiss down and slowing take your cock in to my mouth. I’d have fun rolling your balls in the palm of my hand before tracing up to your opening and-‘“  
The Bluetooth was cut off as Ianto stopped the car in the middle of the road and turned off the ignition, his face flaming red.

“Umm, Ianto, don’t think you can stop here sweetheart.” Gwen managed to get out, trying to bite back a grin.  
“Don’t care.” Ianto gritted out, not making eye contact with any of the team, face gradually becoming redder with each passing second if that were possible.  
“Car can’t read out messages if it’s off, right?” He added.  
“So... your left nipple hey?” Gwen jeered, biting her lip to contain her laughter.  
“I am absolutely going to murder Jack.” Ianto groaned, slumping on to the steering wheel and hiding his face with his hands.  
His three coworkers cracked up again.  
“As much as it grosses me out, you two shagging, ew. By the way, totally called it. You owe me twenty quid Gwen! This has been hilarious. I need to thank Jack for the entertainment.” Owen claimed causing Ianto to give him a very convincing death stare.

Tosh figured she should break the tension, even though she was also enjoying the entertainment.  
“Perhaps we should continue on with our mission.” She stated, giving Ianto a look of saving grace.  
Ianto picked up his phone and aggressively turned it off causing the others to laugh before turning the key and starting to drive along the long road again.  
“Now, where were we? Left or right Tosh?” Ianto asked, needing the last directions to the site.  
Tosh bit back a comment about left and nipples and professionally answered ‘right’ so that they could do what they had to do and return back to the hub.

~

Ianto stormed in to Jack’s office upon the teams return. Jack looked up, rather confused. Ianto was fuming and he could hear the rest of the team laughing below his office.  
“Your messages. Bluetooth. Car read them! You asshole!” Ianto managed to get out whilst groaning, his hands hiding his face once more.  
Jack stared at his flushed boyfriend for a moment before throwing his head back and roaring with laughter.

Ianto Jones considered himself an intelligent man, until Bluetooth was involved.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little drabble I came up with and had a lot of fun writing. I like to think Jack often accidentally embarrassed Ianto as well as purposely doing so.


End file.
